Ms. Lora

I love Ms. Lora.

Ms. Lora is a teacher at my son’s daycare, and even though she’s never been one of his teachers, I absolutely adore her. She opens the center early in the mornings for those of us parents that need to drop off before 7:00 am. So, while she has never been my child’s teacher, I’ve left him in her care on an almost daily basis for the past year. She is gentle and soft spoken, loving and kind. She has the type of patience most parents envy. She is respectful to all styles of parenting and supportive of decisions made both inside and outside of the center.

Ms. Lora is also absolutely stunning. She’s just one of those inherently beautiful women, with a spirit that just makes her that much more beautiful. She has perfect hair, flawless makeup and a bright smile every morning when I drop my son off. I have no idea what time she needs to get up to accomplish all of this before 6:30 am, but I’m in awe of her. Mostly because, on any given day, I can be seen running into daycare ten minutes late with sopping wet hair and half my makeup on, still half asleep.

Is there anything that could make me love this woman more? Oddly enough yes. Last Friday, when I was in the midst of throwing myself a pity party for actually GAINING 1.5 pounds (two weeks post-op), she looked at me and said “Are you losing weight???”.

Standing there in my ratty old jeans and tee shirt with watermarks on the shoulders from the aforementioned wet hair, I could have hugged her. She is the first person that doesn’t know about the surgery to comment on my weight.

“I’m trying” I responded. Then, she gave me that look. You know, the one where she turns her head slightly to the side and down, and smiles… “What are you doing?” she quietly asks wanting to know my secret. We’ve often talked about weight and weight loss because she also struggles with it, and is also married to a man that can eat anything he wants and not gain an ounce….

But I lied. I told her I was trying to watch what I eat and walk. *sigh*. I should have told her the truth. I just hadn’t prepared for how I would deal with the questions of my weight loss yet… I know that there are some people that I never want to tell, but she isn’t one of them.

I will tell her some day. I promise.

I love you, Ms. Lora! Thank you for making my day!

“Is this Heaven?”, “It’s Iowa”.

So I’ve had these two movie lines stuck in my head the past few days. I’m healing up quite nicely, my appetite has returned, and I’ve had very little problems with eating any food. My weight loss has stalled (yes, I’m one of those people the weighs themselves everyday), I’m hungry all the time, and I can’t seem to eat enough to feel full. I’ve reached that “Oh crap!! What have I done to myself!?! This can’t possibly work!!” stage, also known as “Band Hell”.

I realize this is just a temporary detour along the path, really, I do… but the irrational and illogical side of me is screaming “It’s a dead end!! Turn back! Turn back!”.

So, how exactly does this relate to the Field of Dreams? Well, the lap band is my chosen tool to help me feel full faster and keep that full feeling longer thus helping me lose weight without feeling hungry… *heaven*. Unfortunately, I’m not there yet. I’m stuck in *Iowa*. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Iowa, both literally and figuratively.

Literally, Iowa is a great place. My family is from Iowa, and I’ve enjoyed visiting often. I have some beautiful friends that call Iowa home. And let’s face it, there is nothing more heavenly than fresh Iowa sweet corn on the cob.

And figuratively, *Iowa* (aka: Band Hell), isn’t really all that bad either. I’m still able to eat anything I want, and consume as much as I want. I love eating, and I love eating what ever I want, but isn’t this what put me on this path in the first place? Wasn’t the point of the surgery to get out of this place? I know that once I receive my fill all this will change, and I’ll probably be yearning for another day in Iowa, so until then, I will try to enjoy my stay.

Because who knows, maybe Iowa does equal Heaven!

“Is this Heaven”
“It’s Iowa”
“Iowa? I could have sworn this was Heaven”
“Is there a heaven?”
“Oh yeah. It’s the place where dreams come true”
“Maybe this is Heaven”

One Week Post-Op

This morning was my one week post-op appointment with my surgeon. He removed the dressings on the incisions, said they looked good, asked me how I was doing, and that was pretty much it. I scheduled my first fill for August 30th, my one month bandiversary!

What I’m most excited about however, is my progress. According to MY scale, I’ve lost seventeen (17!!) pounds along this path to normal, and even more exciting than that, I’m just one pound away from a weight starting with a “1”. Yep, that’s right, this morning I weighed 200.5! There’s a number I haven’t seen for a very long time. So here is what my path looks like so far:

June 7th, 2010 – 217.5 – The day I met with my new primary care physician, and my highest weight ever.

July 20th, 2010 – 213.5 – The start of my 10 day pre-op diet.

July 30th, 2010 – 207.0 – Surgery day!!

August 6th, 2010 – 200.5 – One week post-op.

I haven’t exactly determined what my goal weight is yet, but I’m thinking somewhere between 125 and 130. Ideally, my goal isn’t a weight, but a dress size. I’d really like to be a solid size 8, possibly a 6 depending on the cut of clothing, but an 8 sounds like a great size for me. I’m short and have a huge head, so I’m afraid I’d look like a bobble head doll if I were to be any smaller than that.

But while my end goal is still a little up in the air, I have three very distinct interim milestones that I plan to celebrate! And while every single pound lost is, in my mind, cause for a balloon-and-streamers-type celebration, I’ve chosen the following:

190 pounds – No Longer “Severely Obese”
163 pounds – No Longer “Obese”
136 pounds – No Longer “Overweight”

And when I was trying to decide how to celebrate or reward myself for achieving these goals, I knew one thing, I wanted to include my husband and son. My list of “reasons why”, for the most part, is all about them. And while I was the one that underwent the surgery, the lap band effects their day-to-day lives as well. So for each of these milestones, I wanted to find something to do, as a family, that I’ve let my weight hold me back from.

Once I’m down to 190 pounds, we’ve decided to take a day hike, either in the foothills or the mountains and have a picnic. Nothing too challenging, as my son is only three and I’ll still be fairly out of shape. Hiking is something my husband loved to do prior to meeting me, but work, life, marriage and kids soon took over. I’ve never been an “outdoorsy” person, but I’d like for my son to enjoy all that nature has to offer.

It was pretty difficult to find a family reward for my 163 milestone. Due to the timing of the surgery, I expect to hit this goal sometime during the winter. Since we do live in Colorado, I suggested skiing. Though I grew up here, I never really got into skiing. I’ve been a handful of times, and enjoyed it, but it’s expensive, and requires lots of equipment and travel time. Geoff loved to ski. Loved it, that is, until he ran into a tree and almost died 10 years ago. So he nixed that idea. In thinking more about it, I realized at 163, I’d be at about the same weight I was when we went on our honeymoon, and I still have the bathing suit I took to Costa Rica that (in theory) should fit. So we decided we’d take a day off from work, and head to one of the indoor waterparks we have here in town. Generally, anytime we go to the pool or beach, or anywhere that requires me to wear a swim suit, I hide beneath a cover up and refuse to get in, while my husband plays with my son. This time, I will play!

And the final milestone is a big one! Because that is when I will finally be NORMAL. So this one will be celebrated like nobody's business. Family pictures. And not just my little nucleus of a family, but the entire family. I’m talking about renting a photographer for an entire morning, or day if I must, and get pictures with my parents, my sister and her family, my husband’s parents, sister and brother, and his dad, stepmom and brothers. One of my “reasons why” is to be in pictures with my family again, and we are going to take some serious pictures.

I’m excited, still scared, but can’t wait to see what’s around the next bend in the path!

Reasons Why:

Prior to the surgery, I had a consultation with a nutritionist that asked me to write down, in my own words, all the reasons I wanted to have this surgery. Below is the list I’ve come up with so far, and I plan for it to be an evolving list as I continue down my path.

• To be comfortable in my own clothing
• To be comfortable in my own skin
• To look good naked
• To be able to keep up with my 3 year old
• To wear my wedding band again
• To wear a bathing suit in public, around friends and family
• To wear shorts again
• To wear all the clothes in my closet (sized 18 – 8) and beyond
• To enjoy food, not have a love/hate relationship with it
• To be sexy to my husband (though he says I already am)
• To NOT be the fat mom and embarrass my son
• To be in family pictures
• To be able to travel comfortably
• To ride a bike
• To not be self conscious
• To go to my 20 year high school reunion in a fabulous dress (2012)
• To avoid future obesity related health issues
  

So that is my list so far. I know I will add to it, but I hope to be checking these off one by one, as soon as possible!

And WOW! I have FOLLOWERS! That is amazing! Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment.

Day 5

So I’m currently 5 days out of surgery, I’m back to work, and healing quite nicely. I planned the surgery for a Friday, so that I could have the weekend to heal, and if I needed, I could call in sick on Monday. And I did. I’m not really sure I needed to, but I’m glad I had an extra day to rest. Not that my work is all that strenuous, I sit at a desk for 99% of my time, but by 2:30 this afternoon, I am ready to clock out. Exhausted.

Surgery went well, I’m told. For the days leading up to the surgery, I was growing more and more anxious about it. Not the lap band, but the actual surgery. I truly believed that I was going to die on the operating table. When I kissed my son goodbye Friday morning, I squeezed him extra tight, and prayed it wouldn’t be the last time I saw him. When we got to the surgery center, I had to leave my husband in the waiting room and go get prepped on my own. Lots of questions to answer, shots to endure, all a bit daunting to have to take care of alone. He was allowed back as we waited for the doctor to arrive, and I told him how much I loved him. He was my rock through the whole thing. Finally, it came time for the sedative, and about 30 seconds later, I remember saying “Wow, that works fast, you really should have given me that an hour ago”…

The next thing I remember is being wheeled into a room. I asked if they had started yet, and the kind nurse told me that I was already done. The doctor had called my husband in the operating room to say it all went smoothly, and that he could see me in about an hour. Recovery was slow, but Geoff was with me most of the time I was actually awake. We left the surgical center about 5 hours after we arrived, and even with rush hour traffic, we were home quickly.

I spent most of the weekend alternating between the couch and our bed, napping, icing, and trying to stay comfortable. The pain was manageable, but the nausea was far worse than I’d expected. But I’ve managed to keep everything down… water, Gatorade, popsicles, and my treat for this morning – applesauce.

Today is much better than the previous days. I haven’t need any pain medication and the nausea isn’t bad. I’m just tired. I figure my caloric intake the past five days hasn’t been greater than 300 calories, so what do I expect!?!

So, the first 4 days on the path have been rather rocky… I’m really hoping for the path to smooth out soon.